I've decided to have a little fun with this guy. Heres the message I just sent.
Hopefully its not too over the top to scare him off:
Subject: new pen pal
Hello James.
Its a pleasure making your acquaintance.
My name is Mabel Schumway. I have had pen pals all over the world during my life, but never as far away as Late Congo. I imagine you received my name from my grandson. He was the one who bought me this new television. Hes a big muckety muck down at the paperclip factory, so I guess news travels pretty fast.
Let me tell you a little about myself.
I'm 82 years young and live in Miami, Florida. (Thats in the United States).
I have done all sorts of things, but now I mostly spend my time playing bingo at the Elks lodge.
There is a looker there named Gerry I like to dance with. Its hard on account of my wheelchair, but hes a spry 72 years young, and on account of his missing leg he can balance on one of the arms with his trick leg while we spin around in a circle.
I enjoy the bingo, but I always have to keep an eye out for those revenuers.
I have always enjoyed working since my first job as a shower cap model during WWII. Since then I have been a monocle polisher, a shoe stringer, a bee milker, and to many other jobs to count. I retired from last job in 1987 when my wig got caught in a telephone cord at the old peanut factory. I have many stories to tell if you would like to hear them.
I'm sorry to here about your president. I always dreamed of having an affair with JFK, until he was killed by the bowling industry, so I know what you must feel like.
Tell me a little about yourself. I would love to meet you for tea when you get here. I can even show you around the area, I'm always willing to help a friend. Will you be anywhere near Miami?
Pleasantly Yours,
Mabel Schumay